In this blog post, we will take a look at the inner psychology of why we want to be recognized even when we do good deeds.
In life, by helping someone who really needs help, that person may get out of a big crisis, or conversely, I may be in a better situation because someone helped me. Some people express their gratitude to me for helping them out of a crisis, which makes me feel embarrassed. However, sometimes I feel disappointed when people do not recognize my good deeds, even though I did them without expecting anything in return. In these cases, I feel like I’m losing out if the person doesn’t know about my good deeds, so I feel better when I directly or indirectly let them know about my good deeds.
For example, I once lent a calculator to a friend who was sitting next to me during an exam because he didn’t bring one. But after the exam, he seemed to have forgotten my kindness, reveling in the sense of liberation that the exam was over. In fact, I didn’t put in that much effort, but I ended up smiling and jokingly saying, “You know I almost failed the test if it wasn’t for me, right?” Everyone has probably felt a little disappointed when people don’t recognize the good deeds they did for no reward.
Good deeds here include not only helping someone materially, but also helping others in any way, such as offering a kind word to someone who is struggling mentally. An elderly woman who donated money she earned from selling kimbap to a university, and a person who jumped into the subway to save a person who had jumped off without hesitation are all examples of good deeds. Another example of a good deed is a donation by a large company. Such donations may have ulterior motives, such as reducing taxes or creating a corporate image, but they are indeed good deeds. The difference between the two cases comes from the motive of the good deed.
Looking at the cases of people who have consistently done good deeds over many years, they do not expect anything in return. Their motives are simply the satisfaction they feel in the process of doing good deeds and their pure love for others. On the other hand, if a large company makes a donation for the purpose of reducing the tax rate or improving its image, it will not do any more good deeds if it cannot take advantage of the profit. In other words, I believe that the greatest value of good deeds lies in the motivation to do another good deed.
There is a saying in the Bible, “Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, and do good secretly.” It is said that God will reward you if you secretly do good deeds. I don’t expect to receive God’s reward, but I often come to appreciate the value of this saying in my life. I think that when you do good deeds, you should not necessarily advertise or announce them. Even if I don’t announce my good deeds, the person who receives help will eventually realize the good deed on their own and live with much greater gratitude in their hearts.
I have experienced firsthand the value of someone secretly doing a good deed for me. It was a long time ago, in the military. At the time, I was a new recruit who had been in the military for less than three months, and in the military, one senior and one junior soldier were assigned together for night guard duty. However, the day before, there was a problem with the nighttime guard duty, and a total of eight people from four teams that performed the duty were punished. As a result, four senior soldiers and four junior soldiers were forced to do 25kg of full-body exercises while marching in the mountains.
I was very weak. This was because I had no time to exercise since I was deployed to the army, and I didn’t exercise much before I enlisted. In particular, the unit I served in had many senior soldiers who were former soccer players and bodybuilders, and I was physically weaker than them. Because the terrain was steep uphill and unpaved mountain trails, it was very difficult for me to complete the run without taking a break. According to military rules, if a soldier is punished, the rest of the soldiers will be punished again, except for the few who completed the run on a first-come, first-served basis. I ran hard with the intention of finishing the race in one go.
After running for a while, I looked back and saw that three or four senior soldiers were lagging behind. As expected, they were punished once more, but at the time I just thought that I had run hard and finished the race. However, I soon realized that all of the lagging soldiers were former athletes, and I learned that they had deliberately slowed down for the benefit of their junior soldiers. They did not mention their good deeds even after being punished, only offering encouragement for their hardships. When I later asked them about the incident, they made up an excuse that they had sprained their ankle, but anyone could see that they were lying.
I will never forget the kindness and sacrifice they showed. Even though they could have been punished only once, the senior soldiers were punished again for the sake of their weaker junior soldiers. I will never forget the kindness and sacrifice they showed. Their kindness and sacrifice remained in my heart even without words, and I still feel grateful.
