In this blog post, we take an in-depth look at whether the emotions that arise from comparing yourself to others can be a driving force for growth rather than self-blame.
Humans live their lives seeing and feeling many things every moment of every day. In the process, it is natural to make comparisons. These comparisons are also made in the course of interacting with those around us. We compare ourselves to others and apply those comparisons to ourselves. This process of comparison can create emotions, and when we see people who have shortcomings, we may feel negative emotions such as self-deprecation. If we use this as a stepping stone for growth, it can lead to positive results, but it is not an easy process emotionally. I, too, have had experiences of making myself feel bad by comparing myself to others, and it was not easy to overcome emotionally.
However, comparison itself cannot be said to be wrong. It is natural for humans to live in interaction with their surroundings, and through this, frustration and disappointment will inevitably arise. If you want to realize and acknowledge your shortcomings and improve yourself, it is clearly a very beneficial process.
We have all developed different personalities and values through different people, different lives, and different experiences. That is why we are who we are today, and why we are unique individuals who are unlike anyone else. That is why I have my way of living, and others have theirs. It is natural that we are different, and we must accept those differences. No, it is so obvious that it goes without saying. It is obvious that 1 + 1 = 2. Of course, there will be things that we envy. When we want something or have something that someone else has, we envy them and feel pessimistic about our own situation.
Humans live their lives forming various types of relationships with many people who are different from themselves, such as friends, lovers, seniors, juniors, bosses, and subordinates. When something good happens to them, we can share their joy, and when something sad happens, we can share their sadness. They can also share their feelings about things that happen to me. However, when viewed objectively, although emotional connections exist, those things are ultimately the joy and sadness of the people involved. You can receive advice, but it is a problem that the person involved must solve, and the benefits are gained through their efforts. Even if you share those feelings, it cannot become your problem. The same is true for your problems; they are your problems, your joy, and your sadness. In the end, the path I walk is my own. It is impossible and foolish to judge myself based on the path others have walked and try to follow in their footsteps. Others walk their own paths, and I walk mine. There is no need to torment yourself by trying to follow the path of others. It is natural to envy those who have what you do not, but if you focus on those differences and cannot break free, you will not grow. Because we are different, we must judge our own path based on our own standards and achieve what we want. Judging your path based on the standards of others and focusing on those differences can easily destroy you.
If you envy something about someone else, you should make it your own from the moment you envy it. Pessimistic thoughts such as, “What have I done so far? While that person was doing all that, I did nothing,” are wrong from the start. You are completely different, and it is only that person’s work, so there is no need to blame yourself for not being able to do the same. Once you know what you want, comparing yourself to others becomes meaningless. The time and effort of the person who got what you want first is only a difference in the timing of your realization.
Now, all that remains is your own effort to get what you want. Keep in mind that you are doing this to get what you want, not to get what others have, and forge your own path. The methods will differ, and the amount of time and effort required to achieve them will also vary. You may feel frustrated when comparing yourself to others along the way, but don’t give up. As the saying goes, “little strokes fell big oaks,” and one grain at a time can build a large mountain. You are learning lessons and making efforts, so you will make a little progress tomorrow, and a little more the day after tomorrow. If you focus on self-blame and torment yourself, comparing yourself to others will only lead to depressing thoughts. Don’t torment yourself, but focus on the little progress you are making.
