In this blog post, we will take a look at the psychology behind our hesitation and indecision when faced with numerous choices, as well as the fears and anxieties hidden within.
Since I was a child, I have enjoyed thinking deeply. That is why I like walking while looking at the ground. The long road is the road of my thoughts. The longer the road, the deeper my thoughts become. However, I cannot enjoy it now. I have to look at the sky and my surroundings. My gaze is scattered, and my thoughts become confused. My thoughts cannot flow, and my enjoyment cannot continue. But those around me say that this is how it should be. They say that I must see many things. I know this too. Because of this, I feel a pressure that I have never felt before. It is slowly tightening and urging me on. But I cannot move forward. I am putting off making a choice.
Choice. The dictionary defines it as “selecting what is necessary from among several options,” “the act of selecting one of several means to solve a problem,” and “the phenomenon in which, according to the principle of survival of the fittest, only those organisms that are suited to their environment or conditions survive, while those that are not die out.” That’s right. I already know these definitions well. But that’s not what I’m looking for. I don’t want an answer to the question of who I am. I want to know what choice I should make and how I should make it. So I ask for help from those around me, but all I get are new choices. These choices confuse me even more. The fact that they are all right makes it even harder for me.
I tried to be bold. I moved forward with my own convictions. I felt liberated. At that time, I comforted and praised myself for all the hard work I had done. However, it was only temporary. Regardless of whether the outcome of my choice was good or bad, I felt regret. It’s just a matter of degree, but it’s always the same. The difficult thing here is that after making a choice, only the regret remains in my memory. I quickly forget the good things and hold on to the bad things for a long time. And I am sensitive to them. That is why I hesitate to make choices about the problems that come before me. I am afraid. I feel anxious, thinking, “I will regret it again.”
You are young. People around me comfort me. You have many opportunities. They give me advice when I am worried. Is that really true? Am I young? I ask myself. It seems to be true. Objectively, I am still young and have many opportunities. Then, can I go back? Can I choose again? It is difficult. Just because I am young and have many opportunities does not mean that I can easily make a new choice. When I look back, the bridge I crossed is already worn out. To go back, I need compensation. I need to make an effort. Or I need to take risks. I need to get rid of my fears. I can’t do that right now. I always look back with regret, but I quickly turn my eyes away. I don’t have the strength to face myself and turn back. No, I want to find the strength, but I’m afraid. So I try hard to forget the past and look ahead. Right now, I’m just an old man who wants to be young.
I opened a book. There, various problems await me. And time is running out. Time forces me to make a choice. But there is no right answer. Or perhaps everything is the right answer. When I cover my head because it is difficult, I am tempted to give up. But I already know the result of giving up. The problem will disappear. The opportunity to choose disappears. And the back of the book remains blank. The empty space makes me pessimistic. It makes me hate myself. So I have to choose. It’s difficult, but I have to do it. I gather my thoughts and look again, but I’m still at a loss. I’m anxious because I don’t know what results my choice will bring or what new problems it will create. That’s why I’m still hesitating in front of countless difficult choices.
In this confusion, I sometimes ask myself, “Why is it so difficult to make a choice?” Perhaps it is because fear and anxiety are deeply rooted within me. The fear of failure and the resulting regret and disappointment weigh heavily on me. However, when I think about it, I am suddenly reminded of the choices I made in the past. At that time, I was just as hesitant and afraid as I am now. However, in retrospect, those choices led me to where I am today and taught me many lessons and helped me grow. Although I still have some regrets, those choices have made me who I am today.
When I think about it this way, I feel hopeful that the confusion and fear I am experiencing now will also become meaningful experiences for me someday. Choices are always difficult, but it is through those choices that we grow and develop. Even though I am anxious and confused now, I take another step forward with the belief that someday I will be able to look back on these moments and smile. Moments of choice will continue to come, but I will become stronger through them. Ultimately, choices are an important part of our lives, and through them, we can discover ourselves and create a better future.
