In this blog post, we will discuss how introverts can discover and be recognized for their value in a society where extroversion is considered ideal.
Since childhood, I have always been an introverted person, albeit to varying degrees. As a child, I was often described by those around me as a “quiet child” or a “timid child,” and those words were not neutral, but rather mockery, advice, and a belief that the person saying them was superior to me (perhaps because they were more extroverted than I was). I disliked the people who said those things, and I also disliked my introverted personality, which I believed caused others to view me that way. My friends avoided me because I was quiet, and I avoided them because I didn’t like what they said. After experiencing this countless times, I often wanted to change my introverted personality.
Shortly after entering college, something happened that made me feel that my introversion was holding me back again. At the time, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I posted a long message on Facebook about the pain of being introverted. Drunk on the emotions of the early morning, I wrote a rambling post and went to sleep. The next morning, I saw a long comment from a friend. At first, I regretted writing such a post and hesitated for several minutes before opening the comment, but eventually I decided to just go for it. My friend offered me sincere encouragement and comfort and told me to watch this video, along with a YouTube link. It was the TED Talk I want to introduce to you now, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts” by Susan Cain.
Susan began her talk with a story about going to summer camp when she was nine years old. She had been influenced by her parents, who enjoyed reading and thinking, and before leaving for camp, she packed books in her bag, believing that the people she would meet there would live lives filled with books and thoughts, just like her family. However, the camp was completely different from what she had imagined. It was a place where people constantly shouted “Rowdie! Rowdie!” (a variation of the word “rowdy,” which means “noisy,” used as a camp slogan) and considered it natural to socialize and talk with others. The young girl was very unfamiliar with such a place, and even when she tried to read a book at night, she was stopped by the camp leader and forced to continue socializing with the others. In the end, her camping bag full of books gathered dust in the corner of her bed until the camp ended, and she had to spend the camp forming unwanted relationships.
She criticized the phenomenon of introversion being suppressed in modern society, where extroversion is emphasized, by drawing parallels with the above anecdote. She pointed out the advantages of introversion, such as calmness and the ability to constructively accept the opinions of others, and emphasized that introversion can also be of great value in modern society. However, she pointed out that this is not the case in modern society, where the spaces where people spend most of their time, such as schools and companies, are designed for extroverts. As evidenced by phrases such as “the age of individuality” and “collective intelligence,” modern society’s emphasis on forming relationships and communicating with others has led to an excessive reduction in the environments where introverts can work most effectively. She pointed out that these changes in modern society ignore the traditionally recognized value of introversion and make extroversion seem like the only correct answer, concluding her speech with the argument that society needs a balance between these two opposing personalities.
Through this short speech, Susan seemed to want to give confidence to introverts who felt inferior and convey a message to society at large to pay more attention to introverts, whose struggles were not well understood. At the time, I was greatly comforted by her message and was able to alleviate some of my worries about my oppressive personality. Her empathy for my feelings of inferiority and the realization that I was not alone in my struggles lightened my heart and gave me a new perspective on my personality.
I agree with Susan’s view that modern society places too much importance on extroversion. In modern society, networking has become important for individual success, and there is a widespread belief that it is necessary to form a wide range of relationships in a short period of time. In this process, the importance of deep and thoughtful communication has diminished, and the reality today is that people are only concerned with how to make a good impression on others. Even in university, where human relationships do not have a direct connection to one’s socioeconomic status, it is easy to see that extroverted people who can quickly break the ice and create a friendly atmosphere are popular and well-liked as the number of encounters decreases. During my college days, no matter which group I joined, I found myself in environments where extroverts could show off their abilities, such as at meals and drinking parties, and I think I tried hard to fit in with them and become someone who “gets along well with others.”
However, does that mean that the cause of introverts’ difficulties in social relationships lies solely in the culture of modern society, as she claimed? I didn’t think that was the fundamental reason. I believed that introverts and extroverts simply have different interests. I think introversion and extroversion depend on whether you are interested in your own thoughts or in things outside yourself. When two people with opposite personalities meet, there will be a big difference in their interests. In middle and high school, everyone has experienced friends who get along well and form cliques, and in college, people with similar personalities and interests tend to form groups. I, too, feel comfortable when I meet people who are similar to me, and when I meet people with different personalities and interests, I feel awkward and tend to give them a low rating in my mind.
I believe that these interests are largely influenced by each person’s innate temperament. Just as everyone has different favorite subjects and hobbies, I think there are differences in the topics people want to talk about when they meet new people. Whether someone is extroverted or introverted is something that cannot be forced upon anyone, and it is unique to each individual. It is natural to want the other person to have a similar personality and interests, but you should not expect or force that on them. My personality is also unique, so it is not necessarily right or wrong.
I was able to gradually find peace of mind by applying this issue of interests to the relationships I had experienced. Most of the relationships that I wanted to do well but couldn’t were due to differences in interests, and I was able to gradually reduce my feelings of inferiority by accepting that the cause of the failed relationships was not entirely my fault. By taking the time to learn about my own interests, I was able to more clearly understand what kind of relationships I am good at and what kind of relationships I find difficult. I was able to find the unique relationships that I can form based on my own interests.
However, there are more relationships in the world that are difficult to form than those that are easy to form based on one’s unique interests. Introverts, in particular, tend to have interests that are focused on themselves, which makes it more difficult for them to form a wide range of relationships. The reason why extroversion is currently considered an ideal personality trait is because of the importance placed on the breadth of relationships that individuals can form in today’s fast-paced society. The problem of forming relationships when there are differences in interests is common to everyone, but especially to introverts.
I believe that this problem can be solved by each individual focusing on aspects of themselves that are opposite to their unique personality, while distinguishing between the aspects of their personality that they have gained through their own efforts. If you insist on your own unique personality, you will not be able to get along with people who are different from you, and in a sense, you will only maintain narrow-minded relationships. Therefore, it is also necessary to understand others who are different from oneself and make an effort to adapt to them. However, this is something that is acquired after birth and is different from one’s innate personality. Therefore, it is impossible to completely match a personality that is completely opposite to one’s own. When people with different personalities meet, I believe that they should make an effort to understand each other, while at the same time acknowledging the differences that cannot be completely overcome. For example, as an introvert, when I am in a group of extroverts, I try to listen carefully and accept what I don’t know very well, and I try to fit in, but the fact that I can’t completely blend in with them is an unavoidable problem due to our different interests, and there is no need to feel inferior because of that. One thing I can do is to find out in advance what they like to talk about and participate in the conversation when I meet them again. From the other side, it is important to recognize that not everyone in the group is extroverted, and if someone seems uncomfortable, it may be a good idea to try to talk about something they are interested in, even if you are not familiar with the topic.
This way of thinking has helped me overcome my feelings of inferiority and look at myself with confidence. Each person’s interests and tendencies are largely innate, and acknowledging that first is the way to make myself feel confident. Going one step further from acknowledging what is unique, making an effort to reduce differences between people without losing your own uniqueness, and acknowledging the same efforts of others is a way to understand a wide range of people. Through this process of changing my way of thinking, I feel that I have become a more confident and assertive person than before. I was able to let go of my jealousy toward people with opposing tendencies and view them more neutrally, as equals. Even now, after that period of serious struggle, I still often find human relationships difficult, but I am grateful that I was able to get back on my feet with a belief system that allows me to actively control myself.
