In this blog post, I will look back on the reasons why I repeatedly suffer from stage fright and lack of confidence, and share my own methods for overcoming them.
The first club I decided to join after entering university was the music club. I had heard about this club before, and I had also participated in similar activities in high school. I joined the orchestra club as a cellist.
Shortly after joining the club, there was an audition. It was a simple audition where we had to play a piece we had practiced in front of our seniors. Still, it was my first performance opportunity after joining the club, and I had been learning the cello for a long time, so I really wanted to do well. I had about one to two months to prepare, and after consulting with my teacher, I chose a piece that I thought I could master with hard practice during that time. I decided to play Saint-Saëns’ Allegro appassionato, which is a fast-paced piece from the beginning.
As a result of practicing hard until the audition, I was able to play much better than I had expected. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to show all my skills in front of so many people, but I felt that I would be able to give a satisfactory performance. Finally, the day of the recital arrived. The audition was divided into two parts, and my turn was right after the second part began. One by one, my friends took the stage and began their performances, and as I watched them, all kinds of thoughts began to run through my mind. My friends performed so well, showing off everything they had prepared, and as I watched them make small mistakes, I thought they were really good, but I also felt sorry for them for making mistakes. However, as my turn approached, I began to worry about whether I would be able to do well, and I couldn’t calm my nervousness and trembling.
My anxiety was at its peak behind the stage. When I got on stage, my left hand, which had to move quickly to pluck the strings, and my right hand, which had to draw the bow, wouldn’t move properly. Even the three-page sheet music was too long to fit on the music stand. So, I didn’t bring the first page, which I thought I had memorized, and when I got on stage, even my head couldn’t help me. It wasn’t just that my hands were shaking and moving slowly or that I couldn’t play the notes correctly. During the long performance, I played completely wrong notes and even stopped in the middle and skipped parts.
When I finished playing, I felt very disappointed. I was disappointed that I couldn’t show what I had prepared, and I wondered why I was so nervous when I hadn’t been like that during practice. I know that anyone would be nervous when standing on stage. However, I was so nervous compared to my friends that I kept thinking, “Why am I like this?” I didn’t have much experience performing on stage, but I always had the same problem of not being able to overcome my stage fright. Even after practicing hard, I lost my confidence and became intimidated when standing in front of people. Furthermore, the pressure to perform well only caused me to make ridiculous mistakes. This often happened during exams as well. There were many times when I did well on mock exams but ended up with ridiculous results on the actual exam.
I was very disappointed that I couldn’t show my true self in real situations, but the reason I looked bad wasn’t just because of my unsatisfactory results. The reason I kept repeating these mistakes was because I had many fundamental flaws. These flaws included losing confidence in front of other people and being unable to control my mind in important situations. People who lack confidence are unable to fully demonstrate their abilities not only in important situations like this, but also in most situations where they meet new people. First impressions account for most of the judgment we make about a person, and the first impression of a person who lacks confidence is often that they are “quiet.” In addition, when you lack confidence, even if you are given the opportunity to do something, you are unable to take the initiative, which can be a major obstacle in finding opportunities for yourself.
Another major weakness is the inability to control oneself when nervous. I used to think that I was able to remain calm in such situations, but my fake calmness always led to ridiculous results. During a personality interview for university admission, I solved the problems without reading the given text, and during a physics competition, I drew a completely different graph after obtaining the experimental data. I tried to remain calm, but I ended up getting even more nervous. The more important I thought a situation was, the more incompetent I became, and I couldn’t help but look bad whenever I had something important to do. Every time I made a mistake, I wondered how I could fix it. I decided many times to be more confident, but it wasn’t easy to change. Still, I think I can change myself little by little by trying things even when I don’t feel like it and trying not to worry too much about what other people think.
I think the only way to control your mind is through effort. The more accustomed you become to being on stage, the less intimidating it becomes. I believe that these issues can be improved through experience, so it is helpful to have as many different experiences as possible. It is definitely a weakness to be so nervous that you perform worse than expected. However, if you view your stage fright as a result of excessive worry rather than a lack of confidence or poor mind control, it is not necessarily a bad thing. Anxiety about failure makes you prepare thoroughly for everything. Despite my nervousness at the exam site, I was able to get into Seoul National University because my anxiety before the exam pushed me to prepare thoroughly.
One could argue that even if the outcome is good, excessive worry leads to psychological pressure and stress. However, I believe that this is something that disappears once the exam is over, and it is something that must be endured in order to achieve something. There were definitely improvements as a result of these efforts. For example, I gradually gained confidence in small performances and presentations, and these experiences made me stronger.
In addition, I became less nervous before important events than I used to be, and I found my own ways to overcome my nervousness. I make a lot of mistakes when I have important things to do, but I still like myself. Even if I can’t show others who I really am, I was able to work hard to improve myself and achieve good results. I don’t like making mistakes, but I believe that I can overcome them if I keep trying.
Finally, the biggest realization I gained from this process was not to be afraid of failure. Failure has become a stepping stone for my growth, and it has made me stronger. There will be many challenges and failures in the future, but I believe that I will become a better person through them all. Don’t they say that success comes to those who overcome failure?
