In this blog post, we will look at the reasons why people sacrifice themselves for others and become overly conscious of how others see them, as well as the root causes of this behavior.
Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. I have many strengths, but I have also done things that were not so good. With the help of my friends, I tried to think of my bad behaviors. During one semester at school, I realized that my biggest flaw is that I give everything to others without expecting anything in return. I have been like this since I was a child, but unlike what I felt during my school days, I have gained a lot of insight this year. Being kind to others is a trait that can be praised as “consideration,” but for me, it is also a trait that makes me look like the worst version of myself.
First of all, there is a flaw that I know is my fault but cannot easily correct. That is, I spend money freely on others rather than on myself. This flaw has become even more pronounced since I entered university. When there was a drinking party, I would readily pay for everyone because I felt like it, and I often bought birthday presents and meals for my friends. I don’t enjoy playing video games, nor am I very good at them, but I bought a game console for my friends who come to visit me at my apartment. When a friend I hadn’t heard from in years asked to borrow money, I lent it to them without hesitation. Of course, these behaviors are understandable to a certain extent, and I think they are necessary for social life. However, the main reason I consider this behavior a weakness is because I show goodwill beyond what I can afford. Last year, after I finished my college entrance exams and before I was accepted to university, there was a time when I had very little money in my bank account. One day, a friend from middle school contacted me asking to borrow money. The amount my friend requested was not that much, but at the time, I didn’t even have that much money. I had plenty of reasons to refuse, but I readily agreed to lend him the money. So, I borrowed money from my close friends and lent it to him. As I write this, I realize that I still haven’t gotten that money back.
Another flaw of mine is that I would go out of my way to help my friends, even if it meant disrupting my own life. When I entered university, I joined a music club. Due to the nature of the club, there was a strict seniority system, and drinking was also strictly enforced. During vacation, we would practice three times a week for concerts, and there was drinking every time. As someone who doesn’t drink, I was able to go home without bothering anyone, but there were always people who were forced to drink by their seniors. Wanting to become the club representative, I would take my friends home at the request of my seniors and then return to the drinking party. Of course, thanks to my positive personality, I enjoyed the atmosphere of drinking, but it was very difficult on days when I was tired from practicing my instrument. Since I was still a freshman and not the club representative, it was okay to go home after the first drinking session, but when my friends went on to the second and third drinking sessions, I was worried about them, so I followed them. As a result, my lifestyle during vacation was ruined. I would come home at 4 in the morning and suffer from a hangover the next day, which was so hard on my body. Looking back now, I realize how foolish and regrettable my actions were.
Finally, another weakness of mine is that I unintentionally put pressure on others by being overly kind. This also happened in my university music club. Due to the nature of the club, we were relatively free during the school breaks when we weren’t preparing for concerts. However, as the representative of my class, I enjoyed practicing my instrument with my classmates, so I would practice even at night and on weekends. I thought that my classmates liked playing instruments as much as I did, so I would jokingly encourage those who were slacking off to practice. Then one day, I heard that my joking had made a friend feel burdened.
At that moment, I realized that not all members of the club shared the same thoughts as me, even though I was the class representative. I also learned that I should not pressure my friends who had different opinions from me, even if it was just a joke. The fundamental reason for my tendency to spend money recklessly and sacrifice my lifestyle to care about my friends is that I am very conscious of how others view me.
As a good friend and a representative of my class, I think I tried to leave a good impression on others. Sometimes, even when things were difficult, I would comfort myself by saying, “It’s okay,” and rationalize my behavior. It may be human nature, but in trying to look good to others, I ended up putting my own priorities on the back burner.
However, with a slight change in my mindset, I can fix my shortcomings. I need to look back on myself and make time for myself. Living for myself, not for others, may be the reason why I have been trying so hard to be a good person, caring about what others think of me. Looking back, it is because of who I am that I have such good friends and a fun club around me. I believe that I will continue to mature as I encounter new things and adapt to them.
